Care to be Trusted?

I tend to ask theoretical or academic questions I suppose because I like to view everything from as many perspectives as possible in order to understand them completely - I often find corollary's very informative - it just seems to broaden my picture - and plus I am just interested philosophically or psychologically... Also, words can mean different things to different people, and so definitions can vary, and answers to questions can depend on the definitions of the words used. An example is when the therapist asked us both, "Do you want to fix this?"- my answer was "Depends what your definition of FIX is - if you want it to go back to how it was before, then no - but, if we can find a solution where everyone is happy, then yes". I have discovered that my husbands' definitions of things are often completely different to mine, and so we are now tending not to be anywhere near understanding each other or communicating constructively - this is where I thought the sessions with a psychologist may be of great assistance.

Seeing Eye-to-Eye

How do you reach 'an amicable solution' when one party feels hard-done-by? Is this even possible? From which party does the reasoning have to come from? At what point does it get through to the 'hard-done-by' party, that resisting makes it worse or is destructive? What would make them want to be constructive, anyway? In my situation, why does the argument seemingly always come down to his perception that if we do it my way, he gets nothing of what he wants and I get everything I want? Really? How does one logically reason this out? Let's simplify it with examples of differing wants, and perhaps we can work out where the logic is breaking down....

What if I want you, but you don't want me? Then we would have to define "want"- so lets say, I want to have sex with you, and you don't want to have sex with me.

So many Questions...?

Nice. What does being 'nice' entail? If you are acting from love and not fear, then are you automatically 'nice'? But being nice seems to imply some sort of expectation of behaviour, and if you don't live up to it, then you are 'not nice'. And is there any responsibility for us to be nice? what sort of behaviour is considered nice, anyway? If you are for instance, finally speaking the truth, it may be perceived as betrayal by another, and therefore not nice at all! Yet it is done out of love, for yourself and for the other.

E-Betrayal?

My husbands' reaction to my Letting Go letter the following day, did not start well, describing it as: "... your idea of a sincere and loving epistle meant to impress anyone who did not know the truth of the facts…". He went on to explain at great length the many months where he "suffered extreme distress and emotional strain cause by my sudden change in behavior brought on my menopause..." and that he believed I had become emotionally involved with someone else, and this was 'confirmed', in his opinion, upon his discovery (after snooping in my deleted gmail folder!) of a private email (consisting of two words: Bon Voyage) which I had tried to hide from him by including the instructions "please do not reply to this email". He wrote that this constituted an undeniable breach of trust which we have always valued so highly between us.
Aaaah - THE EMAIL that changed our lives!  He was quite right - but really was it that big a breach? I had apologized many times for this explaining there was not hidden agenda. Let me try again to explain in detail here:...