An Urgent meeting with Me

I could not have been more prophetic - the next day turned out to be VERY interesting - rather like that Ancient Chinese Curse. I took my brothers' advice literally and put it to the test. Let me outline the bones of the event: Car keys were confiscated after a testy exchange, and I was told that he would take and fetch me, but I could not go alone. I said, absolutely not. So he was even more suspicious, and asked "who was I so determined to meet there?", I answered, "ME!", he reasoned, "So, I will take you there and you can still meet Yourself".... "No", I said, "then I would be meeting the Me-controlled-by-You!".
So I hitchiked for an hour and a quarter to get where I wanted to be, only to have to leave after a few minutes, in order to be back before dark in case the return hike took as long. I was so elated to have achieved this independently! I was physically exhausted, sunburned, over-extended, parched... but I got there under my own steam, using only one of my resources which cannot be taken away from me, and as I always knew I could theoretically, but had never put it into practice. I have had access to the keys since.

Later he tried to reason with me asking why I don't try to be kinder to him - I would get a better reaction from him. Why don't I try to comfort and reassure him like a child who is so afraid of the dark (= he being so afraid of me leaving him for someone else, after having broken his trust with the E-Betrayal email). I did not answer. Must I really treat him like a kid? And am I so hard hearted? Do I not care, as he says?

Upon going to bed that night he said, with genuine sincerity, the following - I had to write it down so I would remember it... Bear in mind I was in a state of elation at the end of what felt like a successful day for myself personally; "I am sorry you had to get to your studio like you did today, and go through that unpleasant experience. It will happen again and again until you realise there is only one way to exist (live) with me and that is in a respectful and loving way."

I did not reply AT ALL - I could not. I found it to be a very alarming statement to make and maybe a turning point in my understanding of where we actually are at the moment.

The question is, "this is where I am going: can we make it work or not?". I have been strongly advised to do the following: really focus on the detailed plan of my life path now and define in great detail where I am going. Then to present it, and if I get a buy-in on my terms, great. If not, then I have a plan. "Do not create a plan without the intention of using every part of it. Remember that it's going to be used whether we stay together or not so therefore it would be the reason for the dissolution or continuance of the marriage. It's the reasoning behind hitting the RESET button. Don't hit it without knowing why. "

Great advice which I intend to take and expend energy on over the next few days...

Ultimately I have to make my own choices, as I am the only one who knows all of my experiences. However, anecdotal events which are shared, such as this one, can really benefit from an outsiders' view point, because often one cannot see the wood for the trees - and my brothers' advice to Step out of the Ring, was spot on, and for that I am truly grateful.

I am cheerful and happy and more focussed after this experience. 

...Read the next post for more soul-searching: Care to be Trusted?

...Read the post that preceded this one, go here: Stepping out of the Ring

...Start at the Beginning of the exposure of my soul, go here: The Exposed Me