I am not suggesting this change in our relationship because I want something I cannot get within it. But rather because I feel your actions and attitude to both our marriage and life in general, are destructive to my feelings of wanting to expand/grow myself. I feel repressed, trapped and constricted. I feel like I have to be someone you want me to be rather than explore who I really am and can become. I am frustrated and feel reduced by your attitudes and actions and I would love to have your agreement to let it go and strike up a course of action in which everybody can win. Please understand, there is NO blame here, and I am most definitely NOT blaming you. You are free to behave as you wish, and I was, and am, free to choose to agree with it or not. I chose to follow your rules for the last 22 year, not grow my own, but obey.
You have asked many times how I feel towards you now...- I love you for what you have done and sacrificed and worked hard for our family, and have huge respect for your taking total responsibility for our child.
- I no longer feel the same adoration and total attachment I had for you since 1982. I now love you as another soul. I respect your decisions for yourself. I admire and respect so many of your qualities. I am only now repelled by others, which have now manifest themselves in a way that is destructive... actions which are damaging to loved ones, to such an extent that I have to remove myself from their influence. If I met you today, I would not start a relationship with you more than friendship. I now love you, but do not need you. I still enjoy your good qualities, and hope we can continue to share them.
- We had the best relationship. It is no longer, for however many reasons, and now I choose to let it go.
- I do feel sorry that you are not living up to your potential. You are limiting yourself.
- I dearly would love you to be fulfilled, and satisfied with your life. I would love you to direct your boundless energies in a positive direction. I know you believe you are doing it all for ‘our good’, but look at the result now; I am unhappy.
So, you will ask, what do you get out of my choice, this ‘best decision’ of mine? You will get the complete freedom to make good choices, without making them for ‘’us’’ (clearly we are not in agreement on all of them now). You can direct your life as you wish. Grow it into something even greater. Feel self-sufficient. You will get the opportunity to learn to LOVE without NEEDING, and without needing to influence, and without expecting anything in return.
You will say, and have said, “I am being selfish”... yet, I am being completely self aware and am making choices based on what I feel, not what I have been taught to think.
I would love more than anything to give you the strength and power NOT to need me – to need me for nothing. Apparently, needing someone is the fastest way to kill a relationship. I would love you to stop wanting to feel needed.
I love you, without needing you."
...This story continues on in the next post: E-Betrayal...
...Read the post that preceded this one, go here: Letting Go
...Start at the Beginning of the exposure of my soul, go here: The Exposed Me
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