Bending our Own Reality

I caught myself blanking out negative events which I were not enjoyable or constructive, but which had really taken place and either upset me or went against what I wanted my reality to be. Thankfully, and this is how I discovered how good I was at not storing unpleasant memories, I had written the incidents down the same day. Days later I had a niggling feeling something had happened that would be helpful to take into consideration when dealing with the present situation - I pulled out my notes, and had to read them a couple of times, so that I could finally put myself back in the story and really remember what I had felt during this unpleasant incident.
I realise now that I must have always done this. And that is perhaps why our lives and our relationship had been as good as it was - every time something happened that would have been in conflict with my version of how I wanted things to be, I immediately rejected it, forgot it, glossed over it, laughed it off, and basically found a way to adapt around it  - because if I didn't, my ideal version of how I wanted our lives to be, would have been in question, and would have rocked the boat. I must have done this all completely subconsciously - I am only becoming aware of it now, although if I think back I remember a number of people ask me at times "how do you put up with that?". I had my moments of not coping, but the majority of the time, I honestly, shrugged it off with total tolerance. I remember reading that amazing, life-altering, little book called "Consciously Creating Circumstances" some 25 years ago, just before re-starting my present relationship with my husband - I clearly managed over the years to perfect the technique of making your reality what you want it to be, that it became an unconscious habit.
Of course there was a lot to enjoy in our relationship and hence the reason to 'work so hard' at maintaining it.
So what happened in my life to change this and make me want to rather experience situations which agreed with my inner voice, my heart, and not try to live up to some expectation I had for myself and my life?
Perhaps it was a number of things over the years - not just one mind-blowing flash, and my first post about being Kick-started by a Free Spirit was just one of many nudges out of this subconscious habit I had formed. Perhaps the Wisdom of aging helped; perhaps my Fathers' death and the brief period spent apart from my husband during this time, where I experienced being Me and not Us; perhaps my husbands' attitudes and behaviours had developed into too much of an extreme for me to tolerate so easily; and more significantly, perhaps it was a movement by the common consciousness of the worlds' humanity towards becoming more aware... Something strengthened my little voice inside to become louder and louder - maybe it was the little voice itself, just growing up into a big voice!
I am very grateful I did not turn a deaf ear to it once again - however this last week illustrated how good I really am at letting negative situations just float away into the ether, not hanging on to them. On the other hand, it is a good thing, and this is how our lives are created anyway, so it would be better to do it consciously and let go only once the lesson is learned and imprinted, so that we can see the whole picture at all times in order to make conscious choices. We can bend our reality, just practice doing it with purpose and in the present moment, knowing where our heart is at that point in time and responding without some pre-conceived idea of how we want it to turn out.

...Read the next post for an Hilarious Interlude...

...Read the post that preceded this one, go here: So many Questions...?

...Start at the Beginning of the exposure of my soul, go here: The Exposed Me