Heart to Head

My Brother gently gave me his sage advice, borne out of recent experience in the disruption of marital relations and the pain of juggling shared parenting. Once again I was taken aback by the generosity of spirit, the non-judgemental attitude (true love!) and the validations of me as an individual whose thoughts are not as way off as I have been led to believe. He said the following: "Whilst philosophically sound your truth will need to be played out in real life, everyday life. Mom and I will support you in this journey without judgement in which ever path you choose. The first thing I learnt in my experience, is that whatever path is chosen, the child must be and must remain the primary focus. Everything else comes second.
You'll need to define your path soon so as to ensure this. Once this is done, buy-in from the rest of the family unit is required so that the necessary support can be provided. Once that is done then the execution of the journey can commence. This can then be augmented by specialist support, for example, council, family and friends support. If you don't get this going soon the risk of permanent damage increases. I encourage you to put your differences with your spouse aside until your path is as clear as your text below. 

Some suggestions as to the terms of engagement; spend time with your child, avoid alcohol, exercise, meditate if you can. Most important is to treat the compiling of your path like a business plan and dedicate a fixed amount of time per day to the pursuit of establishing your path. No overtime. No spillover into regular routine."

I welcomed his solid practical advice, and I took most of it,  albeit not in a very disciplined or regular manner.
What I did do is completely throw myself into finding out What a Business Plan was!? I had no idea - I had never, in my life, put one together. So I trawled the internet and got a 10-point-4-simple-step-how-to-write-a-plan and went through it line by line, well into the night - formulating a Strategic and Business Plan in relation to what I saw for my future with respect to my primary relationship and priorities. I found it so amusing that I was approaching my future in such a businesslike manner (from my Head) - especially as since being Kickstarted by a Free Spirit, I had been operating solely (or Soul-ly) on the gut feelings of my Heart! The answer that came to me, (from my Heart of course) - was that my mind must be under the control of my Soul/Heart, so as I set my heart on it's path, I tell my Head to focus on the tasks required.

The plan consisted of many questions which would need to be answered and listed - such as Internal Strengths and Weaknesses, External Threats and Opportunities. This is very useful when considering ones marriage - I found that it all came out far more positive and less overwhelming when laid out in point form. Issues to be considered were Vision, Mission, Values, Objectives, Strategies, Goals, etc - I had never thought to specify these with regard to my relationships - but it turned out to be a great exercise.
A fascinating point was made that one's Business Plan is a continuous process! I was not aware of this! This suited me perfectly with regards a marriage plan... They say (for businesses) "A business plan is a dynamic, every-changing, constantly updated tool, that all successful business owners use."
What a super attitude to have in a relationship. Suddenly, I found my attitude change to a far more powerful stance - if my plan did not 'work' then change it, tweak it, try something else - and go there with a positive demeanour.

A question that I do not yet have an answer to is, What do you do if your 'business partner' does not agree to your business plan? Do you create another one, in case of that occurring? A Plan B?
My Relationship Plan not yet complete, however it is already many pages long, and is being worked on in-between my everyday life which goes on in dramatic technicolour...

Our daily life was sprinkled with the usual dose of fireworks, the plan for putting aside our spousal differences did not materialize... it just seemed to get worse, again!
Terrible, public accusations of trying to 'steal' his money, followed by a sort of back-handed apology (he had been mistaken) - added to the ever enlarging pile of disrespect and mistrust between us.
I finally got Him to agree to seeing a couples therapist...

...My story continues on in the next post: Energy Redistribution

...Read the post that preceded this one, go here: A Mothers' Love

...Start at the Beginning of the exposure of my soul, go here: The Exposed Me